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it's just my way of venting to let go of frustrations!

Friday, January 23, 2004

OK so my last post here was when?...HOLD! Let me see! technically - 2 days ago but actually it was last night late...so it just appears like it was 2 days ago because....oh well who cares! right!?

so im out of a job right? well - i went to this thing tonight - a focus group, saw this really HOT boy! WOOF! Thanks Wil -- you were SO NICE TO ME :-) hes str8 but a boy can dream right? LOL! anyways, i went to this thing and they had overbooked it - so i didnt get to do it but it was nice to get to go and they still paid me for it- so that is always nice!

anyways, so this guy will comes walking in and he looks like a basketball player (white with black hair about 6'1 at least -- and WOOF!) Anyway, I find out that he is just a really nice guy...and he gave me his email addy...maybe he likes a guy to blow him every now and then!

I am still so confused about my struggle with being gay...im not sure anyone really understands it but God, and my friend....

he understands it cuz he is there...dealing with it more than i am-- sometimes i think it would just be better if i didnt go anywhere or associate with any gay people, like maybe it would go away...but everywhere i go its there-TV - BILLBOARDS - AND DON'T EVEN GO DOWNTOWN - Oh wow -- EVERYYYYYYYYYYYYWHERE! I can't get away from IT! AND i dont think i ever will get away from it - i can run away but it will always be there -- chasing after me like a dog at my heels - I WISH I could get rid of the dog....i am asking for help Lord, please hear me

----as anyone who is reading this can tell...my life is 2 sided and it shouldnt be that way...but it is.

Help me Lord.

Wednesday, January 21, 2004

I am listening to enya...i used to not be much for this kind of music, but i love it now....so peaceful!

i've started a project, i am alphabetizing all my cd's -- wish i'd never started - OYE!
i think i need to read my bible more - maybe then i will be better!
IM IN A PISSY MOOD!<
I just want to find something fun to do!!! Its 4:31 AM and OF COURSE I am STILL FUCKING AWAKE!

I am glad to have this space to vent by though -- thanks! By the way - is anyone reading this?
So tonight, I pull up at Kroger, and I see a Handicap space with a van in it and I start to feel kinda bad for the person, and then they get out. THE PERSON ISN'T HANDICAPPED - they are FAT! Since when did being FAT become a HANDICAP? You can help being FAT - you can't help other conditions. For the FAT people, I think there should be special parking...all the way in the damn back of the parking lot so they have to walk a mile to get to the store. THAT would be fun to watch...and for incentive, we could put a Krispy Kreme truck in the middle, if they make it half way - they get half a donut, if they make it to the store -- they get the other half - FAT is NOT a DISABILITY!

ANOTHER THING-Pregnant Mom parking places. At the same store, they have spaces for Expectant Moms. Well I usually go to the store around 2 - 5 AM, and I park in these spaces. This is my logic. If you are a pregnant MOm out at 2 or 3 or 4 AM you deserve to walk - Have fun!

Thursday, January 15, 2004

about to go to a boy's house - now THIS should be fun! i'll let ya know!
IT'S ALMOST 4 AM!!

What the hell am I still doing up? Ugh -- Life -- lalalalala! Liza make it go away
WHY ME - WHY ME - WHY ME?
ok, so i fuck this hot guy today and he wants me to come back tonight, and im like SURE! and then he flakes out on me -- OYE - aol fags!

i am so depressed about my current job situation that i went out with my friend "T" tonight...to drink - i had a horrid time but "T" hooked up so good for him.

why does life have to suck so fucking bad? is it just me that has this kind of luck!?

i am gay, i am a christian -- Hmmmmmmmmm could this be where my problem is? I wonder now...anyways...

it's bed time -- WAY past it

lord, please send me a job

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